The Realm of Zenmosphere

2009-02-23T00:02:00.000-08:00

darkest before the light
coldest before the sunshine
narrowest before the exit
but time serves no one
and ill figure it out someday

The Times

2008-01-06T19:30:00.000-08:00

All that we have
its been said and gone
only a few thats left
we await for long

All that we shared
memories its been turned
all of our care
about each other we've learned

The Times are becoming harsh
ties are pushing at tensions
in one week its been flushed
hang on my friends, persere-ration

Seed In The Husk

2007-11-13T06:31:00.000-08:00

live no more this weary heart
burn no more this tired soul
in two worlds i lie between
fire has turned icy cold

battered by the heat
a drought claims itself
famine spreads in the land
its people go to sleep

oh! seed in the husk
wake up now you must?
catching is such an insurmountable task
dead or alive by dusk

cant, wont tarry

2007-01-21T05:40:00.000-08:00

a long path lays
its so long i cant see the end
its not the distance but the time
more than years, more than me

with you it flies so fast
bus rides like shooting stars
theyre there for a while and poof! its gone
slow mo just slow mo i say

past maplewoods and red lanterns
melancholy blasting in my ears
but i hear one that says : cant, wont tarry!
believe in me it will not delay

the fear ever so real
gripping me on thought of detail
ill live i know, its meaning that goes
cant, wont tarry! wont tarry!

like Mr Doug said : real is good
but include the buts, include the howevers
earthly doubts, tangible scares
compare nothing to the heavenly prayers

aching space

2007-01-04T02:22:00.000-08:00

theres something so deep its like an abyss, i cant explain it, but i feel it. i know im aching inside, and i cant wait to see you again. every mornings great. then i slip back again into the abyss. i want to see, i want to see

One Up, Tens Down

2006-12-15T07:18:00.000-08:00

you're one up, ten down, doesnt pay off.
trapped in the large world of interests
youre none better than a fool
youre none better than a baby
its gone too soon
time will laugh at you for ten
caught up in the epitome of interests
its somewhere you'll never reach
you've played your cards wrong
perharps others see right, bring on the light
empty hopes, drowning in question
whats in it,
im one up, tens down
none better than nobody.
ill never be what i am psyched to be

Questioning the Realities Of life

2006-07-15T05:40:00.000-07:00

Call me a hypocrite. Call me a liar. Call me an asshole, a liar, a piece of shit. In fact, call me whatever you want. Because i know partly i am writing this to make myself feel better, and after this post im probably going to revert back to my old ways again, and so will those who either by chance stumble across this blog, or somehow i don't know with what magical method reads this post.

People often say - "You won't treasure what you have till its gone". Well its true i and i guess everyone at one point of another in their life will experience that. But the thing is, how do you treasure someone or something? Is it to dedicate more of your life to it? If thats true, then the countless items or people that we treasure, will not be treasured at all. If 24 hours were to be equally divided to take a moment to treasure what we love, then we might as well be selfish and prioritise one thing over another.

The controversy is this, when you do that. Wouldn't then you be neglecting the less focused? And then we feel bad, then the "oh i feel bad about this and about that" comes about. BUT WHAT FOR? If you have made the decision to push that thing aside then you might as well stick with it right, don't try to save your face after what you've done, rather my advice is save it before.

I know that after those long paragraphs ill probably revert back to not cherishing what i have. But i don't give a shit anyway.

Anyway, if given the choice to die in my sleep tonight, I certainly would. I would rather be in heaven where God makes everything beautiful, no hate, no revenge, no anger, no pain and no BOREDOM. Well those on earth will probably cry, those who know me more will cry more, but eventually someone will say, " you know he's dead, so get a move on". Then they'll cry even harder and probably for the next few days, where they like to say "Oh everything's so different without him..blah blah". I probably would too actually.( refer to the first line please.) So in the end what you cherish goes away doesn't it?

Lastly, the issue on actions VS words. I guess its true that all the subtle things people take heed the most. Its in times of loneliness where you are who you really are. Some people say that oh what i saw him shine during that period nad therefore he deserves this blah blah. SO what? well the person could be just putting on a false act to deceive you. Are these true actions? And sometimes i do things for other without thinking, i honestly do. And when i hear oh what you're so nice and stuff to do that, it sorta makes me want to do it again just for the sake of portraying a nice image, and thus it isnt as sincere anymore. So should we compliment others at every go? I guess in the end its when you do what you say that counts, it makes the other person trust you more. So i vote action wins, empty words don't count.

So thanks for reading through that boring shit above. How do you cherish i do not know. But one thing I feel is, if the way that a person wants to be stays consistent, then the receiving party will surely know that he/she/it is being cherished.

No One's Forgotten

2006-06-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

No One’s Forgotten

Oh so many times you think you lose
you get slapped, beaten down with bruise
but learn to pick yourself up once again
not by self but with his reign

And so many times you lose your way
thinking its more than a bad day
and the silent night comes creeping in
thoughts of darkness and sin

In that time you will shun them
rebuke them, push them flee
cause his love much so surrounds you
and you know you’re not forgotten

Oh so many times you’ve been put to shame
bad credits given to your name
and you learn to pull yourself together
holding with the embrace of one another

Have not the world worn you down my friend?
Have you not seen what is black and white?
You know in all things through him you can
Run the race, fight the good fight

Surmounting pressure may be present
Evil is ever imminent
but just the thought that he loves you
he gave you life and set you free
though troubles may come again and again
and surely accompanied by pain
but knowing that you’re not forgotten
it brings warmth, from the lamb that was slain.

blank

2006-05-01T05:38:00.000-07:00

im at a loss for words, cause nothing can say how much you mean to me.

2006-02-14T06:56:00.000-08:00

mass PE stinks. it sucks when the NCC guys arent around to suffer with you. the feeling isnt the same, its not like you know everyone will be there with you all the way. i guess i just miss the old NCC times

2006-02-12T07:16:00.000-08:00

my mum told me i could get a girlfriend o.O

2006-02-08T05:27:00.001-08:00

i think i still miss her. that great just once, though just once, is unforgettable. i try to ride it away, but it just keeps coming back everytime i see her. how can i handle this?

2006-02-08T05:27:00.000-08:00

i think i still miss her. that great just once, though just once, is unforgettable. i try to ride ot away, but it just keeps coming back everytime i see her. how?

2006-01-21T22:49:00.000-08:00

talk to me and ill tell you how i feel about you.

2006-01-08T05:54:00.000-08:00

the soft spot has been ripped open and it all gushes out. and where do I go from here on?

2005-12-27T03:46:00.000-08:00

let me tell you: If you dare to believe, and you have the patience to hold on. It will come through for you. I promise.

2005-12-07T19:43:00.000-08:00

I have come to a major crossroad of my life. I can either choose to rebuke, or to wait. I choose to wait.

2005-12-05T06:19:00.000-08:00

Nat's quote of the day :

the greatest gift of love you can give to anyone else, is your heart.

Flower Girl

2005-12-02T07:33:00.000-08:00

when i wrote this, i mean it
Flower Girl

all the birds are singing
all the waters sprouting
and the breeze spells yours name
stop melting thy heart to flames

mountains echo that word
so gracious and beautiful
come on take my hand and ride
big things, small things, i'll stay with you throught the tide

hey flower girl! throw the shadows
and come sing with me
we'll go crazy in these meadows
thou's as pretty as can be

carve our names into that oak
that these memories we'll always cherish
and all the smiles and jokes
to our deaths thy love shall banish

from the summer to the spring
let me hear your sound ring
from autumn till the winter chills
with your love my heart fills

hey flower girl! walk into the light
grab the ends and fly
soar high into the sky
and up there ill hold you so tight

so know this, ill never let go
until my heartbeats cease to flow
in hard times a single thought of you
and my heart within, starts to glow

2005-12-01T05:35:00.000-08:00

fine fine....i succumb to the fact that boys must chase girls okay.they must start everything, do everything. bloody hell.....

2005-11-30T21:48:00.000-08:00

help me.......im rotting and dying by the second. I have no idea what to do or where to go. All my shopping buddies are either preoccpied or they're out of town. maybe its time i found some new ones. help me.....rot rot...rot rot......rot rot.....rot rot......rot rot......rot rot....rot rot......rot rot.....rot rot.....rot rot....rot rot........rot rot......rot rot.........GET ME OUT

2005-11-30T08:34:00.000-08:00

almost every conversation i start with a guy ends up talking about dating ._.
WELL, im the date specialist and you guys who need some tips on dating can consult me for just 10 bucks per hour. i will make your date so special that the girl will go goo-goo gaa-gaa over you.
so dont hesitate, consult Dr. Love today!

2005-11-29T06:42:00.000-08:00

I was surfing the net when i came across this website about knowing the opposite gender better. A dumb block like me would never harbour the thought about knowing girls more, much less what they think and stuff. So i gave the website a chance, and kept on reading, and reading, and reading, freaking interesting.

who gives a damn about what girls are thinking? and i thought all they think would be clothes, shoes and handbags. to even consider the fact that they talk about boys behind our backs freaks me out. like, whats so nice in a boy?

okay so i explored more, and i found a section where everyone except me loves - love!
it talked about loads of shit, like the guy, how to get your girl and stuff. One particular fact which really annoys me is, WHY CANT THEY JUST TELL THE GUY THAT THEY LIKE THE FREAKING DUDE. all i see on the web is, 7 ways to tell she likes you, 10 ways you she's into you, there wasn't even paragraph that mentioned - she simply told you so.

hints hints hints, all i see is the word hints that keeps popping up. life would be so much easier if they did it the "guy" way, and to think society was equal.

I'd rather turn gay.

2005-11-28T18:58:00.000-08:00

grow hair grow. grow hair grow.

2005-11-27T21:46:00.000-08:00

After all, I guess some things arent meant to be let go of. you walk away, then it comes back to you, always there, always haunting. and you so hard, but it never fails to bug you, to come back into your thoughts. and it sucks.

michael lai's getting girl tips

2005-11-24T22:10:00.000-08:00

i was having a conversation with michael lai when he started getting into the topic of GBR fomr the topic on menopause. so he asked me if i knew how to get a girl, and i conviniently replied "no", which is so darn true, and thus the lai theory was born. honestly, i think this is just the norm, its not really a lai theory but he believes its really limited to him only, so yah. here it goes.

michaelái says:
u dun nid to be gd lookin to get a gf la plz
michaelái says:
there are nerds wif pretty girlfriends n u r not a nerd
michaelái says:
and nerds are ugly also
michaelái says:
so its fair for all
michaelái says:
except im cute la gaga
michaelái says:
haha
All his promises shall come to past. says:
..
All his promises shall come to past. says:
so how
All his promises shall come to past. says:
u are supposed to teach me

THE LAI THEORY

Step 1

michaelái says:
make frens
michaelái says:
the first thing

well yeah, thats the first step right. make friends. you sure as hell do not go up to some girl that you dont even know to be your girlfriend right?

Step 2

All his promises shall come to past. says:
then
michaelái says:
thn approach her by askin her to go out
michaelái says:
this is basic la
All his promises shall come to past. says:
WHAT
All his promises shall come to past. says:
THAT IS BASIC

man that is basic? darn asking a girl out is the worst thing anyone can go through. how can that be the basic thing? shit man im seriously hopeless, welcome to the bachelor's club.

Step 3

All his promises shall come to past. says:
then next
michaelái says:
veri risky
michaelái says:
thn keep askin her to go out also
michaelái says:
maybe by watchin movie
michaelái says:
thn when betta already follow her shopping
michaelái says:
by tht time she will noe u lyk her la hah

so well, you keep doing the worst thing on earth. and by following her around shopping she knows that you like her? man, i never knew that. shopping with women stinks, you get so bored that you would rather go for the breakup. maybe with the girl you like is a different thing...

Step 4

All his promises shall come to past. says:
then?!
michaelái says:
thn can already
All his promises shall come to past. says:
...
michaelái says:
the rest up to ur capabilities haha

its good luck boy.

we've come to the end of michael lai's get-a-girl tricks. hope you get your girl!

2005-11-24T11:31:00.000-08:00

All she ever wanted was for someone to love and cherish her, to accept her for who she is. And yet such a basic duty you could not even fulfill, then what the hell are you? if not a useless jerk.

Chapter 15 - Homeostasis - negative feedback

2005-11-20T21:37:00.000-08:00

the holidays are killing me. i cant feel the excitement that the o's are finally over, man this is so wrong. like everyone's cooped up at home, and no one wants to go out. and we have limited places to go to, darn i wish there were more interesting places to go.

speaking about limited places, ive noticed that there is a serious shortage of....

this is stupid, i would like to have more troubles.

its not good to be jealous

2005-11-19T23:38:00.000-08:00

im so freaking jealous...that Mr K that got to dance with Miss. W. darn him darn him darn him...

ahhh....she's dropdead gorgeous

2005-11-18T22:15:00.000-08:00

ahh...darn it man, E is dropdead gorgeous.

well okay lets see, it all began beacuse of p. darn posters and all, its like man, the more you see her, the more pretty she becomes. ahhh....

now you guys dont get the wrong idea that im perverse. damn i was only referring to the face...ahhh....E..E...why are you so pretty?

i cant wait man, to see the ball part. the stills were already...ahh damn it, she was picture perfect! well the same goes for the gala premiere, on the red carpet. she wore this whatever you call it, sequin gown? man!...and that curly hair....ahhh....

oh no this is bad...to think im gushing over some teen star. but well wth, nobody cares anyway....E!!! singapore start hosting gala premieres too, for internationally acclaimed movies only.

i am so jealous of that guy who played the roll whereby he danced with her in the movie. darn it ill buy the sticker book and start collecting pictures man. you twits out there can go and have your canton pop stars, ahh....daze daze daze...

i will be the founder of the E_____ fan club. i hope im the only fan though, then ill get all her attention, yeah the solo E club. the only club with 1 fan!

stop dreaming abt E....stop stop....ahhh.....

2005-11-14T23:08:00.000-08:00

some people think im going insane with those nonsensical posts recently. let me assure my 2 fans that there is nothing wrong with me, nothing is bothering me and i am not upset over anything.
its been wild these few days, staying up late has done some screwing to my brain, the neurones are mixed up and blah blah blah, and studying steel was one hell of a chapter. my words to Mr. Steel : you can jolly well use your stinking moustache and wipe the choc off my butt.

4 more days and "freedom" comes, its not really freedom, given the definition of freedom from my perspective. I sure as hell have many thoughts in my mind, you know what I mean, i have many titles circulating in my retarded little head. ah crap my paragraphing is so poor, like the topic sentences are all jumbled up, well, who gives a damn, english is over.

okay see lately there has been rampant thanksgiving, okay its time i gave thanks too.
"thanks".

"wEeE lUrBbbE eUuuU" - stinking alt caps, learn the word class darn it.

2005-11-13T13:56:00.000-08:00

come on guys, look beyond the physical. there's no point dwelling on the ironies of life.

If u fail, pick yourself up and try again.

There's so much more to life than roxy, quiksilver, ripcurl and billabong. and there's definately so much more than getting into a relationship.

stretch your thinking and stop imitating the world, for what is in itself does not see itself.

2005-11-12T15:50:00.000-08:00

you can do it yeah!

2005-11-10T13:49:00.000-08:00

no this is bad, this is really bad. I think im losing it, im losing it big time. I want it back, want it back. concentrate.

2005-11-07T08:46:00.000-08:00

Hey mean lie, im so in love with you, just 2 more weeks. gotta do it with style and finesse baby!

2005-11-04T07:23:00.000-08:00

Mean lie.

Girl Over The Rainbow

2005-10-13T18:15:00.000-07:00

after so long, i decided to finish this one. Got this on an MRT train while looking out the window.

Girl Over The Rainbow

You’re the girl over the rainbow
Worth much more than gold
I’ll trade in all my life and joy
Just to hear you say “I love you Boy”

You’re as beautiful as a fairy
as hearted as an angel
the colours illuminate your radiance
now see love’s unlimited potential

It was love at first sight
everything in you was just so right
I’ve found my heart’s treasure
Give you everything I will be rest assured

I’d stare at you for hours
Decorate your room with pretty flowers
walk you right to your doorstep how long the streets
and kiss you goodnight gently on the cheek

You’re the girl over the rainbow
the only girl that I want to hold
I’ll trade in all my tenderness and love
On a cold morning to be your hand’s glove

I’d stop anything I do
just to spend time with you
there’s never a moment of bore
watching you has never been a chore

together let’s soar through skies of blue
how it’d happen I haven’t got a clue
Come on not just another fable
sit in my arms and let it cradle

let the angels play their music
let the bees do their dance
let the whole world shout it out
this is what wild romance is all about

stretching from one end to the other
we slide across the beautiful rainbow
more than what it seems to be
come on girl, come slide with me.

Drag

2005-09-24T10:48:00.000-07:00

Drag

If anyone can tell me what this poem means line by line, I will treat you to a free movie. Of course it is almost impossible =/

The clock ticks every second, every hour
half a dozen times have decayed
even the psychics do not have the power
to foresee what the world has to pay

the caring bird perches itself low down
it cant be seen in the busy side of town
I don’t want to keep my distance
but others wont, pause and think for an instance

to a land where the roots be
playing the game was not hard for me
the consequence that it had last
clocks! Not so fast

It’s like the portrait of the Mona Lisa
where it captures every scene
There were times when we leveled
Separated by a transparent screen

joy and happiness you portray
down inside its not the way
it’s the four walls with a key
you have to set yourself free

have you cut these wires short?
and left a memory dangling by the edge
the happy faces ground to dust
built by trust upon trust

At least there were windows
And I could see you from inside
in your hand was a picture
in that I knew I had died

I pray this is an illusion
and you’re the crafty magician
one day tell me the secrets to your trick
but do it before the clocks don’t tick

I’m not like that, I need signs
even the best cops need clues
can’t go on reminiscing about the times
between it needs some glue

I don’t want your possessions
If that’s what you think
Though I keep begging
there’s no other way to link

I can’t be alone
calling on other people
And I dare not show a sincere tone
It will make me seem feeble

besides, the best go with the best
the poor fall nonetheless
though the hunt is alluring
a no end is the king

with the remaining ticks lef
tlet the truth be seen
maybe the heart is not open to theft
and I will not anymore intervene

The Silver Locket

2005-09-16T23:25:00.000-07:00

The Silver Locket
This one’s from Inuyasha the Movie 2.

It went all back to the start
The moment We first met
You were queuing in a mini mart
and our gazes met like that

you gave me the time of my life
everything I could ask for
In 3 years I was going to ask you to be my wife
but I guess the dreams are now shattered, tore

we played in the fields of gold
laid under a sky of diamonds
embraced in each other’s arms the whole night
I just want to hold you so tight

then one day I received a call
the voice so sweet and tender
it said you have something for me
sometimes you just make me wonder

it was a silver locket
with 2 pictures of you and me
I promised you I’d wear it always
all my life, all my days

and darling I want to let you know
that I have honoured that promise
the locket is still around my neck
something more than life I would protect

and I will always remember the times
all your laughs and all your smiles
though you may be over a million miles
you’re always on my mind, walking through the aisles

when the call came to defend
I saw you at the other end
you said you’d wait for me
I returned with a smile, and I set off into the distant sea

bullets and shrapnel ripped the air
and comrades one by one they fell
sooner or later it was my turn
I would not live a story to tell

but amidst all the gunfire
the silver locket clung onto my chest
you believed in me, I am no liar
I’m so sorry I can’t give you my best

so darling this is when the wait is over
I want to thank you for being my lover
some things time can’t rewind
I hope you’ll always remember me, and all the ties we bind

I guess out there is that special someone
who will show you care, love and concern
My last breath on earth is done
but know this, in my heart you’ll always burn

The crackling sound came
And I saw my shirt stained red
the images of life flashed in my head
I smiled as you came into my mind, then to rest I laid

and even as I died
I could only think of the locket and you
to let you know that I have always loved you ever so much
I wanted to be by your side for every tear and fall
it was not by fate, the meeting at the mall.

Box Of Red Chocolates

2005-09-11T18:49:00.000-07:00

Remember the time we first met?
under palm trees and the red-stricken sunset
It was the start of a lovely chapter
there were two of us, and nothing else mattered

Remember the first time we went out?
resisted all your parents screams and shouts
It was the start of a beautiful relationship
that I would give anything just to keep

Remember the first time I looked into your eyes?
they said with me you would grow old and die
It was the start of an eternal love
carefree and young, we were as doves

so darling this is my red box of chocolates
within some assortments and a note
the written words all mean so true
always with you till the fall of the last dew

Remember the first time I held your hand?
I promised you, we would rule the land
It was the start of a grand affair
let the world see, this destined pair

Remember the first time I held you in my arms?
I was on top of the world, charmed
It was the start of an never-ending journey
only your heart to me was key

Remember the first time I felt your kiss?
its something that I don’t want to miss
It was the start of a blissful summer
together we’ll see the bloom of the roses and flowers

So darling this is my Box Of Red Chocolates
I pray you keep it till the end
contained are all my feelings and thoughts
someday, the scars of this broken heart of mine will mend

reason

2005-07-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

we are all human beings, we are made up of chemicals, but did u ever feel pain? ever feel hurt? ever felt that sense of sorrow when you neglected a friend?

i cant explain it, but sometimes when i neglect my friends, almost immediately i can feel this heartache. its undescribable really, but at times i wonder if it was all empty sorrow. i really cant tell, but these things i do not show, its better to keep them inside of me. so u see u really cant see the real me.

its really beautiful to lay down in fields of green while the wind blows in your face, and u wonder about life, about the past, the present, and the future. it gets me thinking why am i so caught up with the hectic lifestyle - why not take a day off or 2 and just lie down in patches of green or even gaze at the night sky.

"treasure what you have, because when its gone you will realise its importance" - its such a common saying. so true yet so false, perharps if we all make an effort to notice the people around us, spare a thought for them, just treat them a little better, then the world would be a much better world to live in. all it needs is a little effort...i cant really say the words i love you or thank you for being my friend, i seriously find it awkward. everyone is given an opportunity to live on this earth once, we may not have the power to change or impact the lives of everyone we meet, but to those whom we are able to, let them know that there's always someone tangible to love them, someone to walk with them through thick or thin, someone to be with them when they need it most....when someone cries, do not be there to comfort them to show your kindness but do it because they mean something to you.

it is really easy to tell if someone really cares or just treats some people better because they want something out of them. popularity does not equal true friendship, you may be extremely popular but how many true friends do you have? you may be rich, good-looking but who cares, no doubt initially you will be liked by everyone, but when people discover your inner self, oh how they will change their views on you.

it sis so true that sometimes, a friend may just be a friend any other day, but wad happens if he dies, and you were asked to give a testimonial about his life at his funeral. what would you say? it is in these circumstances that you really appreciate what he has done, you will soon find that you are able to weigh him.

so today, take some time off, just stand at the window at look at the night sky, think of all those that you love, and all those that love you, be it friends, teachers, or even schoolmates. say a silent prayer for them, because you will never notice their presence on this planet till their gone, so while you have the time, do them some good, because ultimately it is not what you get in return, but who you are able to return to.

- there's so much i want to say, but i cant tell you -
nat

The Ultimate Blogging MAchine is back

2005-07-21T03:50:00.000-07:00

hi....guess whos back...______ back, back again, tell a friend!
now everyone to the tooliet, to the toliet, to the toliet, now everyone to the toliet, now pee.
WHY DO I FEEL SO TIRED NOWADAYS.
cos the sky's so high there's birdshit in your eye.

duno what to write lah. let's see....
i like to burp alot. i have the power to control my burpies....see there's my silent method....where i will burp in my mouth...then open my mouth and blow the air toward the person i want to smell the latest HUGO BOSS FRAGRANCE : POWERFUL.

samuel is my favourite burp friend....since he sits so close to me i can burp at his charming, pretty, sissy, boylees, small-eyed, sleepy, beautiful, round, flat, pleasant to the eye, girl-attaracting, man-rejecting, child-frightening, baby- scaring, elderly-whacking, jinshun-criticising, michael-jackson loving, jessica alba frowning, ying tong smiling....

yah i tink i have no more interest in such things, girls are just another part of this pathetic world.
and the blushing incident wasnt accidental, it was intentional. SEE ACTUALLY WHEWN I BLUSHED TOOK THE ANSWERS FROM MRS ANG TABLE TO SEE THE PRELIMS ANSWERS...SO SMART SIA....

SO DONT GO AWAY
SAY WHAT U SAY
BURP WHAT YOU BURP
FART LIKE U OWN IT
ITS MY LITTLE WORLD
SO BYEBYE
AH DEE DOO MEE TOO LIIII
PIONK POINK BLONG KLONG HIONG
FEEM FAAM FUUM BOOM
VORMM POOT MOOT
can u unravel this mystery

- n -

Hopeless at jioing lah I

2005-02-08T21:05:00.000-08:00

Nat

Hopeless. Humji. Human. Basically, as Gabrielle said " Im _____ <---fill in the blanks "

Now i understand what it feels. How annoying it can be. This is definitely the wrong time to feel this way.
Not the right year. Not the right time. Not the right me.

How it feels to be trying to reach when u have to have faith and take the first step, but never would.
That's the problem, that's the problem dammit.

Sometimes i so feel like im gonna say it. But when the time is there, it just remains inside.
How stupid, foolish to chase for something that will never come true - Blind dreaming -

Its been on my heart ever since i look at into those eyes.

The realm of love has no boundaries. If you have the courage to take the first step, you can only win or lose.
Sad Sad Sad - im always alone .

If you fail - move on.
I get knocked down - will i always remain down?

But we say if we're going nowhere.
But we say if its not enough.
But we say say we got a reason to ever fall in love.
To ever fall in love again.

- Reignited flames of passion -
_ I know that you know
I know that you can sense it
I know that you its true
But will i dare myself to move?

taN

you sure im just acting like?

2005-02-07T10:25:00.000-08:00

nat / zenith-

Nowadays people say that my MSN nicks are acting like...well, are they so certain?
Like during Phek Mui's lesson once, MSN is an outlet for emotions, so, cant i put it that way?
It seems recently im hooked again. Come to think of it actually, i've nvr been more serious than this.
It sucks when u know that its there but u dun have the guts to do it.

If i could, then i would.

It seems i have to wait and see. Shou kai ji lu. i've nvr been thru this b4 so i really dun know how 2 put it in such a nice way.
perharps some things are not meant to be, perharps some things just need courage. Sometimes, the courage to ask and perseverance isn't there when u need it.

Its there, so far only can you show, while the rest u have to make it on your own. Some things have been laid out, so its up to you if you wanna take it or not.

We'll have to see how it goes, can the candle flame burn for so long?

some things are just too precious to be let go...........

40 kinds of sadness when ure gone

*twisted mind*
- tan / htinez -

That special someone

2004-12-01T22:56:00.000-08:00

Recently while browsing thru ppl's blogs - i always see that SOMEONE / SPECIAL SOMEONE
Now i shall do the same.
Senior Spec course has finally come to an end. DAMN THE PASSING OUT PARADE. STAND SO FREAKING LONG UNTIL BACKBONE AND LEG PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEN! BEcause of that special someone that i was able to pull through, Just that 1 thought of that person and i could endure. Another endurance method waas to train my butt muscles - just like in Scary movie 2. Flex and relax, Flex and Relax = Firm ass.
That special someone, let's talk about it.
Ok, this person.
Gives me power when i need to. When im down, The person motivates me, The person never criticises me.
This person, im able to contact even late at nite, when im bored, i have a chat, when im scared, the person will reply with really uplifting words of comfort.
I really try very hard to love you. MAybe it takes a little bit more, but i dont want to delay anymore. I just cant show my love. Perharps im too afraid.Perharps..........

Zth-

Hell of a Hol 30 Nov

2004-11-30T22:47:00.000-08:00

Man. Recently, Life can be described by 1 word - CAMP
Spec course is over, at least for the testing. Tmr is POP - passing out parade. Gonna get a Lanyard and my rankie.
Been in the SMS craze lately, its like totally cool? Wad a sudden addiction. Keep on SMS, i cant believe how intrigued i am from staring at the 2 inch screen.
Really kinda boring nowadays, after this course, im gonna discipline myself to study and do honmework. Any one wanna join me? haha. If u really want just msg me, I'LL BE HAPPY TO SEE MY PHONE VIBRATE !!!

Alrite, Its over now. No more fire burning. Its been too long. Its hard to rekindle. ITs hard to start all over again.

- Heartbroken -

I'm a sad boy

2004-11-26T20:25:00.000-08:00

Just came back from NCC camp. Tired.Shag.SAD.
i cant believe i cried during the camp, not when suffering, but when sharing about some hatred i have towards cretain ppl, thank goodness my peers and the CLTs did not notice. How embarrassing !
DUring the camp, i kept on msging, so many times, so bored at times. got some cute responses u know! READ oredi so happy! LOL

Schit -

Sunday - The day of isolation

2004-11-14T16:22:00.000-08:00

haiz...

haiz...

haiz...

I've been lonely since sch ended, seems everyone has chores of their own.
Well, what can i do?
Im nobody's master
Probably drown myself in some serious reflection and...

haiz...

haiz...

haiz...

and think of letting it go again.

Feels better that way.

Most likely i'll never get it right, nthn ever comes right. I believe if u want something, u gotta get it urself.
But looks like the chase is over. Probably like a hermit, shield is on.

haiz...

haiz...

haiz...

Goodbye

eh...Friday and sat...5 and 6 nov

2004-11-06T21:25:00.000-08:00

alrite.no more crappy nat.time for serious stuff.

today went to matt hse after sch, which ended at 12.45. man, went to queensway b4 that, i FOUND OUT ALOT FROM the WHITE ONE.
went to his messy house to watch scary movie 2. omg, we were having the hell of a laugh. OMG man. IT WAS LIKE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
den at the bus, nipples said sthn so out of the point that we had a good laugh too.
den went home, and had some really serious stuff to settle, man, we are the deadly pair.
AT FIFA 2005, WE RAPED STEPHEN, MICHAEL, JINSHUN, AND JEREMY 8-0. AND WE WON THEM ALL THE MATCHES. THE LAST MATCH NOT COUNTED COS WE PURPOSELY SCORE OWN GOAL TO GO INTO PENALTY. ALL IN ALL, THEY ONLY SCORED 1 GOAL AGAINST ME AND MATT. ratio of goals 1 : 25 i tink.

IN CLASS CHALET, WE ARE GONNA PWN ALL UR STINKY AND SAGGY ASSES NOOBS.

ok, end of my period. omg, did i say i have periods? OMG. OOPS!
Firhad was like omg. cool stories. girls have both penises and vitagens. and then the screwing up of the 21 gene.
pamie is just like that, except her 2 and 6 gene got screwed up. man, that's why she is so darning cute!
anyone who say pamie is not cute is blind, KANA GONHORREA ( duno how 2 spell )

man, time to go.

Like henpets gnog wud say " CHILL! "

Today, saturday - lazy to find date

2004-10-30T05:18:00.000-07:00

wake up den bathe. in the afternoon i went to borders. had the 20% discount - since u all i am cheapskate, of cos i go for the sale. i wanted to buy a calnder for 2005 , u know of those cute thingy calenders - yeah, so many to choose from. from southpark, to zen, to woohoo - SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SWIMSUITS. check out the babes man.
but in the end it doesn't even matter, i tried so hard, and got so far, in the end it doesn't even mattercos i din buy it.
it cost - 2295 CENTS. OMG MAN - SO EX. POOR MAGGOT LIKE ME CANNOT AFFORD.

alrite, so im getting despo. dun tink horny now, im not despo for girls, there are too many who want me, so that can wait for another few more years. i'll go dizzy choosing them. alrite, im despo for CS skills, screw it y CRC go toa payoh.
man, cant believe 1 guy from our sch is in XsE - screw that ass im going beat his whipped cream hot sunday black saggy ass.

alrite, for those, actually only 1. here is it - i cant remember, msg me for new code , u know who u are. check him out baby, some NERDy shit.

alrite, i see the niggas are chasing on me- man those blacks suck. thank goodness it was daytime. if not they would be invisible. signing from the ANti-Nigga society.

Love u dear - dearest - dear deardear deer

- Z -

"there is no girl" - the cockheads

Wednesday 27 Oct

2004-10-27T20:40:00.000-07:00

To all NIGGAS out there, sup man, be proud of ur black skin.

man, got thanksgiving a.k.a sleeping session. man, sad for those leaving the council, cos im going to be one of them, YIPPES. dun be sad for me, although many will miss my irritating presence. LOOK BEYOND WHAT U SEE - HAKUNA MATATA.
Cellular - one movie with nipples and hardcore action. cool man. fast-paced, pretty babes. some comments from famous movie critics.

"Definitely sexy and stunning" - Nathanael ( BEST CRITIC IN THE WORLD )

"A treat for any one looking for an edge-of-the-seat movie. keeps any watch on his toes" - Guo Xiong ( Winner POOTLIZARD prize )

* POOTLIZARD is the highest award any movie critic can receive in their lifetime.

den here i am, typing this blog. i din play with my gf much today :`( . as i am typing this blog, i am controlling my sai from coming out.

OMG man - how expected life can be..how the moutains were placed, how the fishes were made, how the builidings were built, and HOW NATHANAEL FHENG IS UTTERLY BRILLIANT.

i understand that all my readers are eager to read on for my HIGH-CLASS and PROFESSIONAL writing style. but im sorry, i have too much to write, i will mesmerise you with my articles another day.

Urs fakely,

- Z -

"NIggas are my chao ta frens" - the Matrices
.
PS : I HAVE GIRLFREN LAR , U JEALOUS ISIT. SHE SUPER HOT. BETTER THAN ANY OF U. TOO BAD SHE'S MINE

The almighty and charming Nat

2004-10-27T07:17:00.000-07:00

Today i got back my report book...and guess wad? i beat u all flat...8th in level..smart man me...smarter than Adam Khoo from PING YI SEC. Den went out with 1 lung, Carry-ant, The white one, fisherman, Music GUru, LiNuZ and of course, the last but not the least but actually the BEST...ME! SO boring , Tony Roma's, more like eating Bak kwa in teriyaki sauce. as i am typing this msg, my heart is pounding at 72 beats per minute, fast > slow = fat.

saw some cool soccer stunts from the Adidas open house. oh yar, and Joanne kept abusing me...duno wad's her problem , talk only kanna whack, abusive.
*TO GUYS WHO LIKE JOANNE, PLEASE WEAR ARMOUR AT ALL TIMES...SHE WHACK AND PINCH U UNTIL UR ARTERIES WILL SWELL

ah, going home, sang to myself a song, my singing was utterly.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................INCOMMENTABLE. anyone who hears its will go nuts, 10000000000 people will come straight to ask for my autograph.

Chiobus galore, SCREW U I DUN LIKE AIYUN. THATS WEASELSHIT.

Yours sarcastically,

-Z-

"The wheels on the bus go round and round" - Some nursery teacher

PS : Dear chio today, i love u man

25 October Monday

2004-10-25T20:19:00.000-07:00

school today...had to face her...how pissed i was , cant believe that i actually had to cooperate with her in captain's ball. cb. oh well , started the planning of the NCC camp, screwed up. played some soccer, then here i am. at the com typing this article.

saw 4 chiobus today, WOOHOO. i hope tmr would be a brighter day, lower down the temper :)
Here's nathanel fheng , for channelnewsniggas. im signing off, see u niggas out there, dun get ur black ass here.

"there no is enemies-except one" - The Yonkies
with nigga love [ to my dear ]

-Z-

24 Oct Sunday

2004-10-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

Dear almighty nat,

today go airport to see my auntie off. play CS, as usual. tink of a few chiobus i saw and woohoo. YEA BABY YEA!!
fell asleep and saliva seeped out...on my boaster. YUM YUM! LOLX
tmr got sch again, so boring. oh well, at least sch not that bad, got ppl to talk to.

bye niggas,

-there is no spoone- The Matricks

[i love u dear]

-Z-

24 Oct Sunday

2004-10-24T05:56:00.000-07:00

sat 23 Oct

2004-10-23T03:55:00.000-07:00

2nd day of blog. I feel sexy today :0 muhahaha

so boring. my name is nathanael and i am a boy.
i am the king of the universe but there is one above me.
how boring can it get?
saw 7 chiobus today...WOOHOO!
byebye
i love u dear

-Z-